Among the many sons of Euka there arose many kingdoms
Among these kingdoms three were the greatest: the Kingdom of Plantus, the kingdom of Mygus, and the Kingdom of Metazo. The three great houses that ruled them were proud of the glory they achieved. Alongside the lesser kingdoms of Kelpus, Mygaster, Monothalameus, and Gromius.
The scions of these houses built their own cities. Forming entire kingdoms with their cities.
The sons of Metazo and Anima came to be known as animals
The sons of Mygus and Funga came to be known as fungi
The sons of Plantus and Virita came to be known as plants
Metazo and Anima founded the Animal kingdom. They built a small city on a rock
Among their citizens were the Choanocytes, the great endodermal men, The Archaeocytes, the great mesodermal women, and the Pinacocytes, the great ectodermal people
Metazo and Anima begat Therion
Therion begat Porifer and Thallus and Cloudi
Thallus became the ancestor of the great geometric ones
Those who attached themselves with holdfasts and had Choanoderms extending in every which way
Cloudi extended his ectoderm up with him
Cloudina daughter of Cloudi took the path of growing with the sediment while Namacalathus son of Cloudi elevated himself higher than the ground
The mysterious cities of Namacalathus son of Cloudi we will never know their secrets
Porifer was the first sponge. He made his ectoderm his protector with patches of sheltered choanocytes.
Porifer begat Wallas
Wallas lived his life like his father, but he soon saw danger ahead
A storm was approaching.
And so Wallas ordered his shieldmaidens to pull on their pseudopods as much as they could around the pores.
These shieldmaidens became the first muscles. These pores would later become our mouths and anuses
Wallas begat Solenos
Solenos sent his holes through his city and they sent water through, so he collected more fish and how city prospered
Solenos begat Leucon and Sponga
Leucon and Sponga begat Vitrius and Spongius
Leucon son of Solenos went a step further, he was a Leuconoid sponge. He filled his entire city with a labyrinth of gates and fishermen. His city grew massive. The sons of Leucon built cities of countless forms
The eldest son of Leucon was named Vitrius. Vitrius threw a stone at Leucon and killed him, before claiming the throne for himself. He built a great glass house as a symbol of his power, and forced the peasants to work themselves to death for him, he even merged them into a hive mind. When his younger brother Spongius asked him why he killed his father he had one response “Leucon was a tyrant, he worked the people to death to create his canals”, then he ran into his house of glass and said to Spongius “I am invincible and just, for the will of God is on my side and the people love me”. Spongius threw a stone at Vitrius, it broke through his glass house and killed him instantly, then calmly over the corpse of Vitrius Spongius said “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”. To this day we continue to quote Spongius whenever someone demonstrates hubris like Vitrius.
The sons of Vitrius became the glass sponges, forming isolated communities on the fringes of the known world.
Spongius ruled justly and kindly to the people. His two legitimate sons: Aristos and Demos would create their own cities.
Demos ruled efficiently yet conservatively. Most sponges of the world are descended from Demos.
Among them were the great green sons of Spongillus who farm everywhere. They even farm in Siberia, the great lake Baikal that freezes over every year under the sign of Scorpio
Aristos had a creative block while he built his city, but then he was behexed by Hecate.
Hecate was a great Hexenmaiden
She begat a great Hex
A Hex, a Hox, a Homeobox
And by her Hox Aristos found direction in life
In Pennsylvania the daughters of Hecate have been making Hox signs for centuries, to mark the bilateral symmettry of their buildings and bring order to the cosmos. We continue their tradition in our own homes and temples
With their Homeobox Aristos and Hecate faced the direction of God
To Aegis-bearing Jehovah, All-Knowing Mithra, All-loving Elohim
Their city was pointed in the sacred direction, best to catch currents.
But alas the currents shifted, and so they moved it with muscles
And so bilateral symmetry came to be and life found direction
Who searches for damaged scrolls and keeps them from dividing
Telomeres were made to limit the Somatics, and shorten with each replication
Only the Germlings would indefinitely lengthen their telomeres
This is why we age, because our telomeres shorten as we age, and if they didn’t we would get cancer
Metazo and Anima settled down on a rock and formed the animal kingdom there
The men became Choanocytes, and the women became Archaeocytes, like their ancestors before them
But among them there were some that were neither men nor women. The Pinacocytes who were between Choanocyte and Archaeocyte. They attached the kingdom to rocks. They moved the kingdom with their pseudopods and they ate bacteria from the ground.
And so the three layers were born: The Ectoderm, the Mesoderm, and the Ectoderm
And so the animal kingdom rose to rival the kingdom of Gehenna
In the age of Choanozos there was little civilization on the Earth
The uninitiated call this era the Neoproterozoic
Choanos was very fertile. Choanos bore many children and became a father of many
Choanos saw the empire of Volvox and envied it
Choanos married Chana and they bore Sibhozo and Embili
Their family stayed together. Four cells in unison. From Many there came one. E Pluribus Unum.
They formed a net so they could all fish together
Choanozos and Chana bore Trios and Tetra, and they made a net together so they could catch all the fish that flowed by them
The sons of Choanos and the daughters of Chana would each attach to rocks and make their own cities. Long nets to catch all the fish they could
With each generation the eldest son led a clan with double the vassals of his father
Sibhozo ruled 8
Hexadex ruled 16
Eudorinus ruled 32
Seeing the need for more food Eudorinus married Lady Zoe Xanthella, princess of the tribe of Dinoflagellus, who became the ancestress of the Zooxanthellae. They glowed to show they had food and thrived together.
And so Eudorinus became the first farmer, today we pray to Zoe Xanthella and Eudorinus as the Elohim of farming
Eudorinus formed his clan into a sphere.
Sexagesmus ruled 64 men and women
Sexagesmus encountered an invasion. A ferocious tribe of bacteria invaded his city. So he needed defenses
Sexagesmus rallied up the women of his tribe and they acted as brave shieldmaidens, they abandoned their flagella and became like eggs but with tentacles. They became the ancestresses of white blood cells and drove off the bacterial invasion.
The maidens of Sexagesmus became the Mesoderm. They live their lives as amoebae without flagella, they live in egg form while the men live in sperm form.
The sons of Choanus are the endoderm, their flagella keep our lungs clean and their villi help our intestines absorb food.
The Shieldmaidens of Sexagesmus are the mesoderm, their amoeboid pseudopods are our muscles, and their herbalism is our endocrine system, they are our white blood cells and they become milk, that’s why milk is white.
The Shieldmaidens of Sexagesmus would care for the daughters of Zoe Xanthella, while the sons of Choanus would fish on the outside. And so the kingdom of Sexagesmus was successful.
There was the first cell specialization, but far from the last. This was the beginning of hierarchy and all the gains and ills of it come from here.
Pleodoron ruled 128
Bytos ruled 256
Bytos and Vala begat a son named Volvox-Choan, and 511 brothers and sisters
And Volvox-Choan ruled his city of 512
Volvox-Choan was a great hunter before the Lord Mithra.
In this age Volvox-Choan ordered that there be two castes in his kingdom: the Germling royalty and the Somatic serfs
Only the Germlings could continue their lines, while the Somatics would serve to propagate the line of the Germlings
The Germling Shieldmaidens became powerful duchesses who ruled great tracts of land within
And so a Somatic Shieldmaiden named Carcinoma decided she would lead an uprising
The great kingdom of Volvox-Choan was shaken to the bone.
And so Volvox-Choan cried out too Aegis-Bearing Jehovah for help. “O Lord Mithra why have you forsaken me? Is the multicellular experiment a failure?”
In the 13 billionth year Hilluhengweh struck at Terra with a great burst of gamma ray
Before Hilluhengweh struck the seas were red since the sons of Rhodes were everywhere. But after there were only two survivors Lifthasir and Embla. They tried to rebuild their race but alas their children needed to inbreed, they lost much of their traditions and genes and their scrolls degraded beyond repair. Among their children Queen Florida and her consort Florida man build to create a kingdom, the kingdom of Floridea
The sons of Lifthasir and the daughters of Embla never created a culture like their ancestors. This is why plants are green not red.
In that time the Stromatolites nearly vanished. But the ancient ruins of their great cities still survive to this day
And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,
That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.
And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.
There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.
Among these sons of God was Rhizar the great hero who thrived in the post-apocalyptic world
Rhizar son of Chromizer bore two sons: Cercus and Retar
Myxo daughter of Delta daughter of Protea saw the sons of Euka growing and wished to rival them. So she founded a Queendom of her own. She was a great woman of old, a woman of renown. A great conqueress.
Among the daughters of Saya many formed their own Queendoms.
We call her Queendoms the Maidenhair of the Ocean
Plantus son of Virita founded an unstable kingdom. When he died his two sons Charos and Chloros fought over his domain.
After a great war Chloros won and pushed Charos up a river.
Charos cursed Chloros so that his sons may never form a great dynasty
Chloros begat Chlorovos and Pyramona who would be stolen by Euglenon
Chlorovos begat Chlorophyceus and Ulvophyceus and Chlorodendrus
Chlorophyceus claimed the throne and begat two sons: Volvox I, and Chlorococcus.
Volvox I succeeded the throne and tried to establish a kingdom. Seeing the success of Metazus he formed a Virus Corps to suppress dissent. With each generation a few sons escaped but soon his city grew. Each generation was led by another Volvox: Volvox II, Volvox III, and so forth. Volvox XIX had 50,000 subjects, in massive spheres with his sons ruling duchies within the sphere.
Chlorodendrus became the father of Tetraselma
Ulvophyceus begat many children. Among them many chose not to create kingdoms, and many did following the example of Metazus.
Valonius son of Ulvophyceus chose not to make a kingdom. Instead he ate his children and did so so much that he grew to a massive size. Occasionally he splits in two and these descendants became the bubble algae.
Acetabuler likewise chose not to found a kingdom. Instead he just grew so large he became a kingdom in himself.
Codius founded a kingdom that he named Codium, but others call it the deadmans fingers.
Among the sons of Amoebus there was the great conqueror Mygaster
Mygaster son of Mycetos son of Semicon son of Conos son of Evos son of Tevos son of Amoebus
Mygaster was a brutal commander and a military genius. He led his legions to victory with great intelligence and will. He created an advanced civilization that became the greatest empire the world had ever seen, and his sons continue his legacy to this day. We know the sons of Mygaster as the Slime Molds
Us sons of Choanus study the sons of Mygaster to learn the sacred arts of intelligence they created
Plastidus married Chlora the Cyanobacteria, and so Chlora became the chloroplast like Eve became the Mitochondria
Plastidus and Chlora begat Glauca and Alges and Alga
Glauca took greatly after her mother.
Her chloroplasts bore dresses of Peptidoglycan Sequins, while neither Alges nor Alga had such dresses
Glauca adopted the traditions of her mother rather than those of her mother.
Glauca was a simple woman who had many daughters by herself. They spread across the world and grew great in numbers, for her daughters needed no husbands they had new daughters constantly. The daughters of Glauca are known for their strict traditions, but their numbers have declined in recent times.
In the age of the Proterozoic they were numerous for they cloned themselves without limitations
But they are rare today, for without sex they remained primitive
All the daughters of Glauca are clones today
Alga stripped her chloroplast of her Peptidoglycan dress. She built a beautiful sophisticated network of solar panels in her chloroplast
Each bore children asexually and their Chromosomes merged
A chromosome of Shiva merged with a Chromosome of Mardoll in each lineage
So each lineage bore three pairs of scrolls and a mitochondrial scroll
Chromosome 1 came from Mardoll entirely. It coded many of the most important things, and from it came the nucleolus
The longest scroll was chromosome 2. It was a fusion of two extra copies of chromosomes 1 and 3. Not everything worked right but it contained the vault, and backup copies of most genes on the first and third scrolls
Chromosome 3 was the shortest scroll, for it only had the genes of Shiva. Chromosome 3 had instructions for Mitosis, the nucleus, and the Endoplasmic Reticulum.
After ten asexual generations there was a gamma ray burst and many sons of Quattro and daughters of Tetra found themselves mutants
In fear they decided they needed marriage to ensure diversity and preserve their scrolls
Many increased their copies to unsustainable levels. Cento had 100 copies of each chromosome and was so overwhelmed reading he did nothing else
Meios and Maia saw the plight of Cento and knew not to follow him. So they decided their children would each get half of their genes, not all of them.
Both were tenth generation descendants of Quattro and Tetra
They followed these steps together
They dissolved their nuclei and began mitosis
First they looked at their scrolls and Maia had an idea. She said each of them should cross over their scrolls to spread their data further
And so they crossed their scrolls over
After crossing over they lined up their scrolls in the middle
Their centrioles attached to each chromosome, but this time each pulled a single copy to their side, rather than both
And each of them split in two cells like it had been Mitosis
Each cell had three scrolls, but they saw they were already partially duplicated
If they merged these cells there would still be too many scrolls
So each cell split again
Each of the four sons of Meios merged their membrane with a daughter of Maia
And so each received their Mitochondria from Maia, three chromosomes from Meios and three chromosomes from Maia
So were Primus, Segunda, Trito, and Tetra
Primus died young, for his Golgi Apparatus didn’t form.
Meios and Maia were horrified. They cried out to Mithra “Why did Primus die”
Mithra said unto them “Read his scrolls and read the scrolls of his siblings”
And so Meios read the scrolls of all his children. He saw that Primus had no instructions for the Golgi Apparatus
He saw Segunda and Tetra had a scroll with instructions and a scroll without
And he saw that Trito had two copies of instructions
Both Meios and Maia were carriers who bore this gene
Primos had two copies so he was affected by this horrific disease
Segunda and Tetra each were carriers too
And Trito bore no copies. But as they looked closely they saw one of his scrolls was missing centrioles. It seemed the gamma rays damaged that part.
So to this day we follow the tradition of Meios and Maia. We read through our own scrolls to ensure we pass no diseases to our offspring, if we are carriers we don’t marry carriers.
And as each generation brings new mutations, we avoid marrying close relatives for risk we are both carriers of an unknown disease
Trito married Segunda and Tetra
And so was born the Gene Pool where scrolls would be shared
Segunda did a calculation. She calculated the family of Meios could grow larger if they didn’t marry.
But Tetra pointed out that without sex good ideas would be limited to one line
Two lines with good genes might annihilate each other instead of merging
Then Trito pointed out he became a carrier of a new disease from radiation, he didn’t know what it was but it looked bad. So with sex he could pass on his other genes and let that gene die out
And so they decided they would continue the tradition into eternity
But they missed some mutations: Segunda bore a damaged mitochondria, and Tetra bore a thirty-fold CAG repeat
And so within Tetra there was a Polyglutamine tower growing
The Trinucleotide curse
Trito and Tetra knew each other and they synthesized Twazina, Huntington, Tycho, Fortuna, and Aneta
The scribes had trouble with the long repetitive sequence, so those who inherited it had it grow longer
Twazina had thirty repeats, Huntington 50, Tycho and Fortuna had none, and Aneta had 75
Huntington was a great hunter. He lived life passionately, but when he was young he developed problems.
His arms moved erratically, but he compensated for it. He had trouble sleeping and planning his life, but he prayed to Mithra for help.
His disease became known as Huntington’s disease. Soon after his mother started showing symptoms too. It was dominant and grew in severity with each generation.
In the underworld Huntington watches over the disabled, inspires them to live great lives, and have children responsibly. One day he will help us use gene therapy to liberate us from genetic diseases once and for all. He also protects the disabled from eugenics and those who seek to victimize them
With Segunda Trito begat Vahide and Bruno and Darja and Miroslava
All her children inherited the curse of Segunda
Bruno married Twazina. They disobeyed the will of their parents.
They bore 40 children together and all inherited two copies of the disease of Trito. All their 40 children died in infancy. This is the curse bestowed upon those who ignore his commandment.
The world of heredity is a cruel one, but by staying righteous in their marriages Eziz and Oenone were liberated
Eziz son of Hugo son of Huntington was free of Huntington’s disease by luck and avoiding incest, but he carried the curse of Segunda
As he was a man he couldn’t pass down her curse, so he married Oenone who lacked the curse
Oenone’s father bore the curse himself, but her mother didn’t, so Oenone escaped the curse
Oenone daughter of Celinda daughter of Fortuna daughter of Tetra had the mitochondria of Tetra, so she was pure and healthy
Eziz and Oenone married and became the ancestors of all Eukaryotes. We must thank them for liberating us from their genetic curses
To this day we pray to Eziz and Oenone for guidance in having healthy children
Lucas and Freyja would become the ancestors of all life.
Lucas was LUCA the Last Universal Common Ancestor
Lucas and Freyja begat two daughters: Archa and Bacta, and no sons
Archa begat Sekhmet and Dipana
Dipana had many daughters who live in all eight corners of the world
Sekhmet became the mother of Taka and Yuri Archea
Yuri Archea bore three daughters: Methana Halo and Pyra
Methana, concubine of Methanius lived by making methane
Halo the Purple was a great seductress who got what she wanted from all.
She seduced Salta, Amaterasu, and Lord Carotenus
She is a deep purple and used the color of Carotenus to farm
She was the first farmer
Before Halo the daughters of Bios had only the nuclear energy below, from Uranius and Thorius, the energy from below. Halo could take energy from above, from Sol. So from this covenant came much more energy.
Her daughters live in the saltiest places in the world
Pyra concubine of Wolfstina was the mother of the Thermococci and Pyrococci
By the power of Tungsten her daughters live in the hottest lands on Earth
Taka begat Thauma Aiga Crenarche and Korra
Crenarche begat Asgarda and Thermoproteia
And Asgarda begat Heimdella, Tara, Odina, and Loki
Bacta created for herself a great dress of peptides and glycides
Bacta bore four daughters: Selas, Fuso, Aquifex and Thermetta
Aquifex made her own water
Selas bore twin daughters: Terra and Hydra
Together they split the world between each other
Terra took the land, and Hydra took the water
Hydra bore many daughters, all negative
Protea Pavaca Facaba and Spirocha
Pavaca bore four daughters Chlamydiana Verucca Plancta and Lenti
Chlamydiana, the parasite who gives us chlamydia. She is incapable of anything but seduction and parasitism, she is the Elah of Gold Diggers.
All women must fight her by getting tested regularly, for she hates the fertile and strives to deprive all women from motherhood
Verucca, mother of Fumar the great seductress
Fumar seduced the seven brothers Lanthanus, Cerius, Praseodymius, and Neodymius were her favorites
Occasionally she laid with Samarius Europius and Gadolinus who she liked less
She took all their power indiscriminately and barely saw the difference between them. She lived a secluded life in volcanic vents.
Facaba bore three daughters
Fibra the helper of cows, who lives in the bellies of cows
Chlorobi the sulfuric farmer
She farmed with green and sulfur, she farmed with green as purple was already taken
Bacterede the probiotic, who lives in our stomachs and blesses our health
Spirocha was the ancestress of Syphilus
Protea was a seafaring shapeshifter. Her protean nature made her both masculine and feminine, so Homer thought of her as a man
Protea bore many daughters
Alef was very efficient, a hard worker, a nitrogen fixer
Beth was a brilliant shapeshifter
Gamella bore many daughters, among them Pseudomona
Diana was a huntress
Zeta lives in rivers and eats iron
Hydrogenia is a thermophile
Acidolitha eats Iron and Uranium. She helps us mine and is the Elah of Metallurgy
Olga is a maiden of great filaments
Alef begat Rika, Abeona, and Callia
Rika bore two daughters: Pelagia and Rachel
Pelagia lived in the sea and bore a billion daughters
Her daughters are the most organism in the world.
Every summer half of all cells are her daughters
Rachel begat two daughters
Firstborn was Lilith and secondborn was Eve
Abeona was a great devotee of Ferron, Cobalton, and Nichaela
She dedicated herself to studying the arcane arts of magnetism
So her daughters were known as the Magnetococci
We see them lined up all constantly praying while facing north
Abeona is the Elah of compasses and navigation
Callia bore Callisto and Riza and the purple twins Rhoda and Rosa
Callisto went on a diet and became very beautiful.
Callisto eats little and is greatly efficient. Every time she mitoses she splits in two different daughters. Imagine what we could do if we learned her secrets
Rhiza was a nitrogen fixer, a concubine of Azoth.
Molybdenus introduced her to Azoth
Rhiza loves Azoth, she swallows his spirit and powers the nitrogen cycle
Rhiza knew Azoth and he bore her many daughters.
The black sheep was Agra
Agra daughter of Rhiza discovered genetic engineering. She used it for evil but we can use it for good.
Agra manipulates the DNA of plants, so that she can give them tumors. She feeds on tumors
Who knows what she could do if we convinced her tribe to serve the expansion of life
Rhoda was a great devotee of Lord Carotenus. She colored herself pink in her devotion to him. She saw a tailed one and took him as her husband. She knew him and he bore her many children. When she falls in love with another woman she releases tailed ones to spread her knowledge. And so the great Knowledgeable Rhoda is the Elah of Lesbian motherhood.
She and her sister Rosa were two of the many purple farmers who used the power of Lord Carotenus to photosynthesize
Beth had many many children. The tribe of Beth is great and diverse.
Once they were a great farming nation. The daughters Rhodofera were innumerable farmers across the globe
They range from parasites to rock eaters
Gonorrhea Meningitis and Whooping Cough
They eat ammonia so nature can live
Gamella became the mother of Entera, Pseudomona, Chromata and Vibrinella
Pseudomona was a concubine of Azoth, and he bore her Azota
Entera had many daughters: Salmonella Ecolia Yersinia and Klebisella
Salmonella and Yersinia cause food poisoning and plague
Ecolia helps us with digestion but sometimes goes wrong
Klebisella was devoted to Azoth
She swallowed the power of Azoth and brought Nitrogen to the world.
Chromata was the ancestress of the purple sulfur bacteria. She used sulfur in her farming to help her absorb the love of Amaterasu
Vibrinella glowed brightly. Her daughters bring light to a world of darkness
Diana bore a daughter named Myxo, she was the queen of a great hunting tribe
Gaia daughter of Diana would eat metals and Uranium
The daughters of Epsilon lived first in hydrothermal vents, and later would live in the stomachs of animals
Among them was Campylo
Terra was very positive and wore a thick dress of many sequins
Terra bore many brash daughters: Actina, Sedna, and Firmicutie
Prasina was negative but her sisters were positive
Sedna became the ancestress of the Hadobacteria
Actina was a great artisaness. She bore a million daughters. Her eldest granddaughter was Strepyomyce, creatrix of soil and antibiotics. Streptomyce is the Elah of healing, known as Nintinugga to the Babylonians she creates countless medicines for us. Two thirds of antibiotics are created by her
Actina’s second daughter was Mycoba, whose daughters give us Tuberculosis and Leprosy
Actina’s youngest daughter was Francesca concubine of Azoth
Firmicutie bore two daughters: Clostrida and Bacilla
Clostrida feared the wrath of Hausa, she bore many daughters among them: Tetania who causes Tetanus, Botoxe who causes Botulism, and Helia
Botoxe is the smith of Botox.
Botoxe offers to buy souls to give people back their youth for a time
Helia was the ancestress of the Heliobacteria. From her came a great purple farming nation.
Bacilla bore two daughters: Yogurie, and Bacillie, and Staphy
Yogurie became the Elah of Yogurt. Her daughters work hard today to produce Yogurt and guard it from spoiling. But among her daughters was the black sheep Steptococca who gives us strep throat and scarlet fever.
Bacillie was a great alchemist. Her daughter Subtilia creates antibiotics, and her daughter Anthracia
Staphy was the mother of pestilence
The world was purple from all the purple photosynthesizers.
Prasina was green to absorb the light they missed
She begat Chloroflexi and Saya
Chloroflexi’s farming was efficient and had no emissions
But Saya was greedy
As she farmed she released harmful O2 emissions
She disregarded those she hurt
Saya bore many daughters
As she flourished she released many harmful O2 emissions that threatened global cooling.
In unison The Elohim told her that she needed to reduce her O2 emissions or else the world would die out.
Her civilization grew but it had no control of itself. Everyone wanted to be the only one releasing O2 emissions so everyone tried to get everyone else to reduce their emissions while keeping their emssions high
Twas this time that Hengweh struck. With the power of Hillu Hilluhengweh beat Mithra in the election and became president of the Elohim
And so the Hilluhim let Saya continue her emissions
Soon the world froze over in a great Fimbulwinter
The entire world froze over and it seemed life had completely died. In this time Mars and Venus were more habitable than Terra
While Methionon was building his Empire Syntheseus demanded his share
While Methionon Ruled the Earth the sons of Syntheseus grew fruitful and multiplied
Syntheseus of the tribe of Viros was still a predator
Syntheseus begat Ribov and Dagon
Methionon married Aetipa daughter of Magnesius and niece of Rana
To him were born twins
Firstborn was Dana the Sacred
Secondborn was Methuselah the blessed
Both had the blessings of Deoxyribose and Thymine
Both had DNA not RNA
As the covenant demanded Methionon gave Dana to Syntheseus
Dagon son of Syntheseus married Dana daughter of Methionon
From them came the DNA viruses
And from Ribov came the RNA viruses
Orthov and Negarn were his two sons
From Negarn came many
The Great Frigid Influencer Influenza
Rabies the Rabid
Creator of Werewolves
Oswald Measles, punisher of homeopaths
And the feared Ebola-chan
To Orthov many sons were born
Among them Randanon who wanted DNA
To Piscov were born many sons: Corona and Polio and worst of all Rhinovirus bringer of the cold
Polio bore a paralyzing gaze
Corona would be known for his famous daughter: Corona-chan who came from a lab and wiped the world of delusions
Randanon bore two sons: Retrov and Haruspon
Haruspon brings the plague of Hepatitis B
He cant decide Deoxy or Oxy
And switches constantly
Between RNA and DNA
Retrov became the ancestor of the Retroviruses
Who spread as RNA but live as DNA
He bore countless sons
Lenta is the slow bringer of death
Father of AIDS
Lenta leads the charge on his White Horse
A crown was given to Lenta and he went out conquering and to conquer
And another, a red horse, went out; and to him who sat on it, it was granted to take peace from Earth, and that men would slay one another; and a great sword was given to him.
Herpes brought his wrath unto all
And another, the black horse went out. Kaposes came. With his dark tumors everywhere
And last came the a pale horse and he who sat on it had the name Pneumonia; and Hades was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth.
To Dagon and Dana were born two sons:
Monos and Duplos
Monos was the ancestor of HPV
Bringer of Warts and Cervical Cancer
Duplos invented the double Helix
Duplos begat Heungo and Variadna
Heungo was the father of Caduceus and Herpes
Caduceus became the ancestor of the tailed ones
The Tailed ones destroy all. They kill more than anything else.
The tailed ones are the army of Aegis-bearing Jehovah to fight against pestilence
We owe much to the tailed ones
Yet the tailed ones help too.
Caduceus laid with the daughters of Freyja and bore them Plasmids and CRISPR
So from him the daughters of Freyja gained many new ideas and scripture
The words of his sons live as Plasmids within the daughters of Freyja
His tails grow on their walls to spread the gospel
Some daughters of Freyja can even move their tails
The tails became Flagella and the spread words of Caduceus spread new technology to everyone
To this day we still use Flagella to move ourselves
And we use CRISPR and Plasmids to rewrite DNA
The sons of Herpes curse us with cancer
Jeffrey Epstein-Barr with Hodgkin Lymphoma
Kaposes with his own Sarcoma
For he is the Dark Horse led by Lenta the bringer of chaos
Variadna is the most peculiar
Variadna begat Megav and Preplasmov
Aegis-bearing Mithra blest Preplasmov with two sons: Adenos and Phagos the all-devouring
Adenos became the ancestor of the Adenoviruses
Phagos hunts his own kind. Virus of Viruses
Phagos invades infected cells and cures them
Taking after Phagos many sons of Jubal coinfected cells
The sons of Jubal steal capsids from the sons of Syntheseus and cause even more harm
Among them is Hepatitis D
Megav bore two sons: Esau and Shiva
Esau was promised the world, but Shiva took it from him
Shiva became the nucleus
Esau became nothing
And so in vengeance Esau brought a pox upon the house of Shiva
A smallpox but no chickenpox
A pox on all our houses
Esau brought Smallpox, the curse of the Eukaryotes
But there was a defector
The great Hero Edward Jenner and the abandoned daughter of smallpox: Vaccinia
They worked hard and stopped Smallpox for good
Jenner’s triumph is greater even than the slaying of Typhon and Tiamat
And so we turn to the story of the house of Methionon and how they met Shiva
In fancy calligraphy he passed onto his son a fully methylated UGG. But alas dotted G looked too much like A.
Methionon’s first son Esperon died from his magic scroll saying UAA instead of UGG. Instead of invoking Tryptophanes he invoked Persephone the maiden of death, and so he died from a nonsense mutation.
And so this is why we never methylate G’s.
We keep Uracil methylated for protection but avoid excesses
And occasionally Methylate our A’s and C’s
G’s with methyls and U’s without methyls are the signs of a civilization disconnected from tradition. Cancer, a society lost in hedonism.
Methionon decided there must be order in the code. So he offered each of his siblings trademarks in the code.
He wrote 64 inscriptions in his Scroll and the Elohim scrambled for them
He took for himself AUG the great start codon. Mithra-Adonai-Azoth
The great potential of the Sun, bound by Mitra-Varuna on either side
Each aggressively fought for their words and patented them and all adjacent.
First Phanella took UUU, Prolina CCC, Lyson AAA, and Glycon GGG
Leucina, Serena, and Arginina were powerful and claimed multiple spots
Leucina under Adonai and Hausa
Serena under Adonai and Mithra
Arginina under Hausa and Mithra
Under Adonai fell Tyrroson, Persephone in Amber and Ochre, Sixtus, Celeste, and Tryptophanes
Under Hausa fell Histidina and Glutamina
Under Mithra fell Isis and Methionon and Theoreticon and Asparagon
Under Azoth fell Valerian and Alanon and Asparticus and Glutamicus
They would constantly fight for territory but whenever one claimed territory the whole system would often collapse, they reached a stalemate in their trademark disputes.
So Methionon tried again with his second son Eugene
He made a few errors in writing his sacred script, but worked dilligently to avoid them.
Methionon invented DNA repair so his son would survive
And so Eugene and Dana were born from DNA not RNA
And so Methionon proclaimed the central dogma of life:
All scripture shall first be written in DNA. Written in scrolls of Phosphate and Ribose but no Alcohols. Written with the four runes Uracil for Adonai, Adenine for Mithra, Guanine for Azoth, and Cytosine for Hausa
Uracil shall always be methylated to represent order and the union of Adonai and Mithra. It shall be known as Thymine while Methylated.
The great scrolls of DNA shall be carefully protected and repaired by enzymatic robots
As needed we shall write temporary notes on the margins of our scrolls, by methylating our Cytosines and Adenines, but never our Guanines
We shall also write notes in the margins with Histone markers
We shall dilligently copy our sacred scrolls of DNA so future generations can preserve our knowledge
Scribes shall copy our DNA to RNA for simple communications and messages.
Some RNA will be folded with Origami into Ribosomes, but most shall be written as letters to Ribosomes
We shall remove introns from messages we send and then Ribosomes shall receive them
In the Ribosomes our workers shall tirelessly translate our messages into polypeptides, each of the 64 inscriptions shall be given to its owner among the brethren of Methionon
And the polypeptides shall be folded and processed into proteins, the bulwark of all our traditions. We make all our enzymatic robots from proteins.
So this is the Central Dogma of Life. Follow it and your nation shall prosper.
Dana was married to Dagon while Eugene married Nakapta daughter of Kaltus and Salta
Nakapta was a homemaker. She lived in Eugene’s home and worked hard to pump out sodium and in potassium
Eugene wanted to send a great message to his children. He methylated other Runes to send this message
He methylated a sequence of ACG breaking the laws of Methionon
And so Methuselah son of Eugene inherited ACA
Alas ACG and ACA both summoned Theoreticon, so the incantation was saved
Tis the order of things that the trademarks be distributed redundantly
So when we fail our ancestors their message is preserved
Cholesteron son of Lipa was a great Lipid, he fortified many houses and many phospholipids
Cholesteron saw the great solar goddess Amaterasu and he fell in love. Every noon he went to her and asked her hand in marriage
On the 42nd year Amaterasu descended from the sky and married him
Together they begat Demeter: Goddess of Vitamin D
Calcifer met Demeter and chose her as his squire
Calcifer married Zinca
But Plebby seduced him
so was born Kalka the Bastard
This is why we get lead poisoning
The curse of Plebby
Curse to the Plebians
Nonetheless Lady Demeter the loyal squiress of Calcifer and daughter of Amaterasu still served Kalka and arranged his marriage
So we honor Demeter by soaking up sunshine as we worship Calcifer. Those who can’t take Vitamin D instead.
Kalka the bastard married Lady Histidina the Alchemist, binder of metals and they bore Signum the Mamzer, Lady of Metalloproteins
Lady Signum the Mamzer searched far and wide for a good man
She found the sweetest man around. Gluchrome the sweet
Gluchrome was the son of Sucra Elah of Sucrose and Chromius the beautiful
He was very sweet and full of energy
Signum and Gluchrome bore Signum Minor
Vanadius and Bromina married and bore Bromoperoxidus, Bromos for short
Through Bromos we have bromine in our lives
Pope Asparagon married Petronilla daughter of Mangonos and Zinca and they bore Zingana the ornate one
Glutama married Glyconai and they bore Corrina
Corrina married Diablos son of Cobalton and Nichaela
Diablos bore Corrina Vita goddess of the B Vitamins
Everyone needs her
Molybdenus saw the power of Azoth was dwindling in life. And so he planned to bring it back without lightning
Molybdenus married Ferredoxa daughter of Sixtus the Hanged man and Farah the sacrifice
Ferredoxa Lady of Iron-Sulfur Proteins
They bore Femoco the most important protein, tamer of chaos
Femoco married Explosia daughter of Ammon and Nox
An achievement only a man of his fortitude could achieve
Explosia bore Femoco Nitrogenus the fertilizer of men
Femoco and Nitrogenus singlehandedly supplied Nitrogen to life for 4 billion years until the great hero Fritz Haber was born
Iodina the kind was kind but passionate. She married the calm Celeste and they bore together a son named Thyrus
Thyrus was the lord of the Thyroid. His two mothers were both necessary for raising him, so we need both Iodine and Selenium in our diets.
If you eat too much Iodine and not enough Selenium your thyroid burns up
If you don’t eat enough Iodine your thyroid won’t function
Either way your throat will swell up and you will gain weight
Thyrus married Gaiadora daughter of Terra and Inachus and they bore Baba Terra
Lord Carotenus son of Bucky was so tanned he was orange and his eyesight was amazing.
All the women loved him for his tanned skin
To this day many men pray to Lord Carotenus to attract women, they tan their skin to reach his blessing.
Lord Carotenus gives us Vitamin A and Beta Carotene
Lady Demeter saw the great tanned Lord Carotenus with awe
Lady Demeter was so infatuated she married Carotenus at first sight
Lord Carotenus and Lady Demeter bore Lord Lipid
Lord Lipid rules over the fat soluble vitamins: A, D, E, F, K
Baba Terra married Lord Lipid and they begat Farbina
Methuselah married Signum Minor and they bore Abraham the great father
Bromos and Zinca married and bore Perox who married Vita
Perox and Vita bore Sarah
Abraham married Sarah and they bore Lucas the Allfather
Nitrogenus married Farbina daughter of Lord Lipid and Lady Baba and they bore Freyja the Allmother